Before I was married, I secretly was afraid to have a baby because of the pain of delivery. Little did I know what pains lay ahead of me!
Forty years ago at age 29 and married we wanted a family. It took two years for me to get pregnant. I was on fall break and we planned to drive 300 miles home to surprise my family.
That morning I woke up to leave and I started cramping really bad. Went to the hospital and had my first trimester miscarriage and it was also my 31st birthday!
I was devastated! I called my sister and told her I was sick and wasn’t able to come up. Later she called me back and said nothing would stop me from coming up unless there was something really wrong. I cried and told her what happened, and her support helped.
That was the beginning of my six years journey into infertility treatment. I was high school special education teacher and loved kids very much. I adored my three nephews.
I would have one test at a time and then wait to see what happened, an agonizing slow process. I tried to be cheerful and positive. I even counseled the other women in the waiting room.
Long story short, I had: immature eggs; implantion failure; endometriosis; not enough FHS from pituitary gland hormones; prolactin levels was twice as high; problem’s with menstral cycle and finally too much acid in my vagnial area killing off my husband ‘s sperm. Phew!
I had shots, surgery, treatments, collecting my urine, monthly exams, you name it. Several time the shots in my hip hit a nerve and I screamed and almost hit the ceiling! My husband felt really bad. It wasn’t his fault!
After 6 years my doctor said he was very proud of me, but it was time to call it quits! I had been his best and kindest patient not just because I did everything he suggested, but how I tried hard to help his other patients as well. He said he wasn’t in the baby business, but if by chance one came his way, he would call me right away! My feelings were whirling! I knew he really meant it.
I felt so inadequate! All during this 6 years I had a total of 4 miscarriages, in the first 9–12 weeks. So very sad!
I have 4 Saints in Heaven: Kevin, Megan, Thomas and Abigail! What brings me happiness is I know I will see them when I get the Heaven, God willing!
I went to a family reunion to the East Coast. My Uncle Brian, has two boys, ages 4 and 6. Each of them have the same hair coloring, skin, eyes and freckles that I had when I was their age. I starred at them at first and then I turned anyway and mourned the loss of my babies after I “saw” my babies! I really cried with tears streaming down my cheeks. I ‘m doing it now just thinking about it, and its 40 years later! I didn’t think that was going to happen just now! Sorry!
A couple years later, we adopted two special needs babies, a boy then a girl, who are now 32 and 30. We love them very much!
What is like to have infertility? This is one of those stories that one in every four couples experiences in life. Lend your love and support to those in need, it will be greatly appreciated!